![why am i gay why am i gay](https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3299/3293803510_e96c37cc3e_z.jpg)
The thing about family secrets is that they’re rarely truly secrets. It sounds as though your mother, father, and sister all know now that you’re gay, but that information is a family secret from which your brother is supposedly shielded. The damage to your family goes beyond your own private pain. Most people can’t live with this conflict for long, and if they do, they tend to suffer greatly. The dilemma you’ve had to grapple with has left you with an emotional conflict: I can deny who I am and be loved, or I can share who I am and be shunned. You say that you’ve experienced depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, and studies show a relatively high level of these experiences and behaviors among LGBTQ children whose families reject them for their sexual orientation. I imagine that’s how you felt when you were kicked out of the house and forbidden from telling your father that you’re gay. Humans have an innate need to connect with others, and when we aren’t truly known-or when we are rejected for who we really are-we are left feeling utterly alone. When you told your mother that you’re gay, she asked you to do one of the hardest things anyone can be asked to do: pretend to be someone you’re not. I first want to say I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve been through.
![why am i gay why am i gay](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/nQoMzpisL1ZuLaZoC70bk7nQI8Y=/0x250:2668x2029/1200x800/filters:focal(0x250:2668x2029)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/30579605/464322217.0.jpg)
Should I tell my little brother that I’m gay despite our parents’ disapproval? My patience has run dry, but I still hesitate to do this behind their back. I’ve respected their wish to remain silent for far too long and have begged them to tell him, but they keep making excuses as to why that isn’t prudent. I’m an adult, and I feel I have the right to make such a revelation, with or without my parents’ consent. I want him to know who I am without any secrets or lies. I have no interest in revealing to him the details of my ordeal with our parents, but I desperately want to be genuine and authentic with him. Mom and Dad never wanted him to know that I’m gay, but he’s 14 now, and I have his personal email address. But I’ve never had an opportunity to build a relationship with my little brother. Thirteen years later, after two stays at a rehabilitation clinic for depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, I have forgiven my parents. I showed up to his birthday parties and school plays, but that was all my parents would allow. My sister said that our parents probably thought that my homosexuality would “rub off” on him. I was never allowed to take my little brother to the park or grab a slice of pizza with him. I tried my best to remain a part of the family, but doing so wasn’t easy.
#Why am i gay professional
Read: Professional help: Tips for parents of LGBT kids on preventing suicide
![why am i gay why am i gay](https://cdn.booredatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/10140440/20170518_185730.jpg)
That’s all that matters.” I thought his acceptance, though reluctant, would usher in an opportunity for reconciliation with my mom, but that didn’t come to pass. He hugged me and told me, “You’re my son. He wasn’t happy that I was gay, but he didn’t reject me like she had. She kicked me out of the house the next morning. She was holding my six-month-old brother in her arms throughout the whole ordeal, and at one point asked God for guidance to properly raise him so he wouldn’t turn out like me. She made me get on my knees and promise that I wouldn’t tell my dad, ever. After crying for what felt like an eternity, my mom told me that I was just inexperienced with girls and that she would pay a prostitute to turn me into a real man. My dad was on the road for work and my younger sister was at a friend’s house. I came out to my mom when I was 23, thinking she would embrace me with open arms.